North Bound on Tampa

Route Tampa is a four lane highway that runs from way south of Baghdad to somewhere way north of Baghdad. It’s kinda like the I-35 (For those of you that know what Interstate 35 is.) of Iraq. There is no paved shoulder just a smooth gravel area about the width of a traffic lane on both sides. The median is also unpaved and covered in gravel as well, with some random shrubberies thrown in there to liven the place up. Tampa truly is “The Highway to Hell”, it accounts for more IED’s that any other route in all of Iraq and the hottest stretch of highway just so happens to be in my area of operations.

Yesterday afternoon my platoon was relived out at the patrol base by our 1st platoon. We had just done our 48 hours there and now it was their turn. They had just came down Tampa in the south bound lane and notified us of a suspicious bag on the side of the north bound lane. They said they checked it with binoculars and the sights from the main gun on the tank but determined that it was just a trash bag and called it “clear”, but to take caution. Hours later I find this out.

For the time being I am the truck commander (TC) of my truck. The name of the truck is eloquently, “The Slutty Pumpkin”, it’s a long story and you have to watch the show “How I met Your Mother” on CBS to really understand. Usually I am the gunner, but my actual TC is on leave so I have taken over. For the past month while I have been a TC I have been the TC of the rear truck in the convoy. But today on the way back north, back to the FOB, I was lead truck. The lead trucks job is pretty “simple”. It’s to stop all traffic coming in the opposite lane, to push traffic back away from roadways feeding to the highway, look for any sort of possible attack on the convoy, dodge potholes and previous blast holes in the road that can hide landmines waiting to be driven over, and most of all search for IED’s. Most IED’s are placed along the side of the road and remote detonated. There are some that have a invisible Infa-Red beam that shoots across the road and when you cross it the IED detonates. Some have a command wire that runs back to where the “trigger man” is hiding, then some have tiny copper wires that are laid across the road and when you run them over they connect and detonate the IED. It may not sound like much but when you also got your lieutenant in the next vehicle back calling up the most obvious things on the radio non-stop the whole way, (“Be advised the sky is blue” kinda stuff…) and yapping all sorts of other useless’ crap out to you it take some concentration and patience to get from point A to point B.

So there we are headed north, creeping along at a blistering 20 mph due to the fact that we are having to tow a tank back that broke down the night prior while we were conducting some raids in the area. The shoulders of the roadways are littered with all sorts of junk, tire shreds metal scraps, trash bags and everything else that can blow out the back up a truck. No, they don’t have the “Adopt A Highway” program over here, yet. I notice a plastic bag laying inches of the road which is a little odd for it to be so close to the edge but it’s blowing the in wind and appears to have nothing in it. Right as we are directly next to it fate just so happened to blow some wind directly in the bag blowing it open and letting me look directly in it. “OH SHIT IED! IED! IED! GO! GO! GO!” I screamed to my crew. My gunner hits the grounds screaming “OH SHIT". Thats all could manage to say, thanks for that update there pal! I grab the “hand mic” to the radio and call over the net “IED IED, STOP! STOP! STOP!”.

The whole time in my head I am thinking; “Oh my God this is going to blow up right here on me. I am only like 4 feet from this thing; this is going to really suck.” My driver has since stomped on the gas a pushed up out of the way, all the other vehicles were able to stop just before getting to it. We got lucky they didn’t get the chance to detonate it on us. There is no doubt that they would have blown up one of the trucks. But the bag just happened to be blown open so I could see it looking right back at me. Kinda like looking down a loaded gun during a bank robbery. It was crazy to see a bomb just sitting there. Back in January when I get blown up I never saw it coming, nor did any one on the crew that day. This one was a 155mm artillery round with a long range cordless phone base wired to it and some red duct tape holding it all together. I probably could have read the serial number off the round I was so close. As usual Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) came out and used their high-speed little robot and some C4 explosives to “dispose” of it. Once again making the roads safe for Americans and Iraqis alike.

We got lucky again, for the month of February we have found two IED’s and have yet to be hit and that alone is extraordinary. If the platoon gets hit by 2 IED’s a month it’s considered a good month. So far for the month we have yet to get hit. But the month isn’t quite over yet. Just add that to the list of crazy moments here in Americas fifty first state, Iraq.

And now for your viewing pleasure, a little video my gunner filmed that day. Enjoy.

What We Really Like

So a few weeks ago I posted a classic picture of myself reading an issue of Cosmopolitan on Facebook.com, with a caption that read “Send magazines please…” Yes, that’s right, I was reading a chick magazine. And yes, the image of a rugged soldier, wrapped in body armor and ammo pouches sitting in the gun turret of his armored gun truck while reading new yoga tips and how to get ready for swim suit season all with a big smile is exactly what the photo looked like. It was a sad state of affairs, but as they say; “War is Hell”

[You can also just skip the effort of using your brain and just check it out down below.]

Anyways, we got all these “feminine” magazines from a doctor’s office in Charlotte, NC or somewhere. And we sincerely thank them for the time and effort and we appreciate their support of us men in uniform over here. But hidden there is the problem. We are men and we really don’t want to read, Cosmo, Redbook, or Women’s Fitness. We do like the pictures and tips on how to keep our Christmas cookies tasting great, but what we really want to read about are cars we cant never afford, electronics we will never own, stupid people and sultry women with very little clothing.

But there are real men out there that answered the call and sent help to further solidify our manhood. In the past few weeks we have got the latest issues of Maxim and Stuff, and we even got the last issue of FHM ever! (Rest in peace good magazine, you were a dear friend.) Then came the real “good” stuff; a little magazine from a solid American by the name of, Larry Flint. That’s right America, you sent us Penthouse. In a country where porn is banned by the local government and the foreign Army that occupies them. Your counter-pornography tactics prevailed me and my fellow fighting soldiers can once again remember what we are fighting for.

Thank you America.

Before:

After:

(Sweet glasses huh?)

The Impossible Passport

So those quality people in congress have once again done us all such a great service with this new law requiring a passport for those who plan of visiting Canada and our fence jumping brothers to the south, Mexico. It may be a big victory that will somehow help crack down on terrorism, but you only need a passport if you are flying into the states. Drivers and guest aboard cruise ships are still good to head out with out one, but they are encouraged to get one.

You may be wondering why I am even talking about this and what does it have to do with me. Well, while am over here fighting for the good ole “Mother Land” they are passing laws that are screwing up my dreams of white sand beaches and drinks with little umbrellas. From what I have learned is that all us travelers flying to Mexico need a passport, which really is no big deal. No big deal if you are in America. But last I checked I am not; I am in freaking Iraq! Therefore making the passport process much more difficult.

Now I have to first get permission to even attempt this little trip, second schedule a trip on a Blackhawk into Baghdad to visit the embassy. Normally I wouldn’t even attempt such a trip, Baghdad is crazy and helicopters are not doing a good job of staying in the air. I know I would be fine and am not worried about the adventure down there if it even gets approved. But it does skim through your thought process.

If this was all just regular R&R I really wouldn’t be to upset, there are a million places in America that I would love to travel too. But Holly and I are getting married soon and we were going to use this abundance of time and cash to take a nice trip somewhere really fun. Its going to be our honeymoon, just beofr the wedding thats all. We have thought about maybe going to Italy to see Val and the sights out there; or Cozumel for the beaches, relaxation and “all-inclusiveness”. Then there are a few other exotic Caribbean hot spots that we have looked in to. I mean this will be our honeymoon and we don’t want to stay and the Best Western in Amarillo. I have been over here for to damn long too not go big while on leave. We have earned this trip so we are going to take this trip!

So now here I am between a rock and a hard place. I got people researching this new little law; hopefully there is a loophole for soldiers. If not, hopefully I can get down to Baghdad and get that passport and get it to the states before my leave starts. I guess these next few weeks will tell the tale. Hopefully it’s not to late though.

Let keep those fingers crossed and I think it’s time I start working on “Plan B”

It's A Rush

Now maybe somewhere through the course of your life you have had to kick a door in. Maybe you had to rescue a puppy from a blazing fire or your drunken friend that who locked himself in the only bathroom in the house and has since passed out. I’m sure there are many reasons out there for just why you did it. But it was a rush wasn’t it. Just like the movies you stepped back and gave it the old “Chuck Norris” one-two kick and it went flying open. Or maybe some of you gave it a more “Richard Simmons” exercise kick and ends up on the floor with the door still holding firm. None-the-less, for that split second it was a rush as you went all kung-fu on that poor door.

Okay so getting to the story, the other morning we were called out at about 4am to go grab up a target that had presented him self close to where we were. So we roll through the ruthless fog that covered the area that morning and come up on this little farming village not to far from the Tigris River. The farmers of this area are “Orange Farmers”, not like the ones in Florida, this are smaller, more ornamental looking orange. So all we have is an area where “Vince” (For fun we will name him, Vince.) might be. In this area are about 10 medium sized farm houses and the area is surrounded by orange orchards. We dismount our team (The “A-Team”) from the two tanks and two trucks that we rolled in on. We group up and decide to work from one side of the street on down. This is where the thrill seeker in me comes out. I don’t really know where I picked this sense of adventure up by I have it. So there I am leading the way straight into a doorway. No idea what’s on the other side or who if anyone is waiting for us. No idea if I am even going to be able to kick the door in. We get to the doorway and all the training from soccer coaches of the past comes back and with a size 9 full force into it, the door goes flying open and in we go.

We go through the first house and its just a few old ladies and a couple kids, definitely not who we are looking for so we head out and move to the next house. We are moving quickly and not wasting anytime; we go from the first house straight into the door of the second house. Never even missing a beat I kick the door in on the run and it goes flying off the hinges. I am not really that strong, Iraqi front doors just aren’t all that sturdy. We are moving through the house and out comes a “military aged male” and once he realizes just who is making all the commotion he hits the floor. We post a guard on him and keep pushing through the house. Just like every other house in Iraq there are tons of children; most of them under the age of six. And if you do the math, we invaded just under six years ago, so I guess since then baby making has been all there really is to do. We group all the women and children into a room out of the way and continue to search the home. We have his wife show use where the AK-47 is, everybody over here has one, and with out any hesitation she shows us where it is and where all the magazines for it are. Well thanks lady! You just showed us enough to haul your hubbie off for a few months. Iraqis are allowed to have one AK and one 30 round magazine. This guy had seven, “for protection” he said. So we load him up. This guy turns out to be “Vince” and our new friend “Vince” turned out to be a very wanted man in Iraq. Two points for the good guys!

We continue on down the street and search through four more houses all of them come up clean. We end up chasing down what turned out to be a 14 year old kid, when its dark out they don’t really look 14, he was just scared a bolted when he saw us clearing the roof of his neighbors. I really do feel sorry for these kids, that’s the hardest part of all this. Kicking in the door, snatching their IED planting father out of bed while they sit in the corner scared crying and having no idea what really is going on. Poor little guys are innocent, just caught up in their father’s poor mistakes. I give them some candy as we head out but really, I don’t think it fixes what they just witnessed.

All this goes on so fast you really don’t have time to think about what exactly is going on. You just go, full tilt, wide open, then all the sudden you are sitting in the tank rolling out of there and the adrenaline starts to wear off and your heart rate returns to a safe rate and you start to rethink just what happened and all you can do is smile and shake your head and think, “No one is ever going to believe what I just did…What a rush.”

Hear is a new favorite song of mine, it’s by “My Chemical Romance”

and the song is “This Is How I Disappear”

It’s a recommended download of mine. If you like this type of stuff that is…

“By streetlight, this dark night
A séance down below
There are things that I have done
You never, should ever know…”

Super Mario Brothers

It rained the past few days and one thing the desert doesn’t really handle is its rain. Up here towards the north it’s really not so much sand, like a desert, its more dirt, like a barren unwanted wasteland. So when the rainy season begins all the dust and dirt from the previous eleven month drought turns to a nasty muddy soup. Then you drive a few tanks and trucks around in that and churn it up into a thick mud like paste that sticks to everything and your boots track it everywhere. But I guess we might as well enjoy the rain while it is here. Lord knows we will be wishing for it come July.

In other news we are back from another fun-packed trip to the patrol base. As most of you know our patrol base rotation are suppose to be 48 hours but for some reason my platoon ends up out there for longer nearly every time. Its really not a big deal being there for a few more hours in the big picture of things, but at the end of the rotation you are hungry, dirty and tired you just really want to get replaced so you can “combat suit up!” one more time and head back to the FOB; where hot showers, rooms and chow await. Not to mention, phones and the beloved internet. It was pretty low key trip all in all, no IED’s or anything crazy. Well, I take that back. When the IA, (Iraqi Army, we work very closely with them out here. It is after all their country and it will soon be their job to run this little puppet show.) were coming back from dropping off one of their soldiers they noticed one of the local IED Terror Cell leaders and his brother (“The Super Mario Brothers” is what we will call them) driving a truck the other direction. So the IA swing around and after a little resistance the “Mario Brothers” became property if the Iraqi justice system. They also just so happened to find the RPG-7 that the brothers where carrying with them. So just like that, two more bad guys off the streets. After running the names of the “Mario Brothers” they turned up to be suspects in a lot of bad business in the area. They are involved in everything from kidnappings, murders, weapon sales, to IED production, placement and detonation. The two of them apparently have a hand in everything that goes on in this area and more than likely had something to do with me getting blown up a few weeks ago.

It’s crazy that “Mario”, the oldest, was only like 22 years old and his little brother “Luigi” was only 17, and they are pretty important amigos in this show. So I am happy to see that they will be going to some dirty prison somewhere to rot for quite some time. Enjoy the vacation you two…

That pretty much wraps up everything that has been going on the past few days. The mud, the patrol base, the “Super Mario Brothers”; yeah, that’s really about all I can think of. Hope you all have fun with the ice back home in Oklahoma and Texas and where ever else you maybe, stay safe, and I will write again soon.

The Softer Side Of War

Every now and then we do missions of a different type. We don’t go out kicking in doors and hauling off bad guys. We go to schools and homeless shelters and help out with what we can. A few days ago our platoon headed out to a little village out near the Tigris River. There is a little school out there that from the outside you would think it hasn’t been used since the invasion a few years ago. But nearly everyday about 200 children between 4 and 10 cram in to the eight classrooms and hit the books. The school has power but only for a few hours a day. The heaters were stolen out of the classrooms making it more like a concrete freezer with the temperature only getting up to the low 50’s on warmer days. These kids like school however, not like when I was a kid and would try everything in the book to avoid a dreaded day of 4th grade.

This is all a good sign for the future of Iraq in my eyes. Despite all the adversity, these families continue to get their children up and out the door and to school six days a week. These kids will get their basic education and hopefully continue on through high school and develop some sort of skills along the way. Something that they can apply to making the country a little better, something so they don’t end up digging holes on the side of the road for $45 (US) so someone can come by later and drop a IED in it.

The success of these kids is what will keep my children and your children or your grandchildren from coming over here and being exposed to the darker side of life. Our mission was simple, to pass out spiral notebooks, crayons and candy. To try to help these little kids out a little, and maybe make them smile a little too. We also did an assessment of the building and talked with the principle on what help he needed to help the school running. Number one on his list was heaters, and I must agree it was pretty chilly in the classrooms, with most of the kids wearing their jackets and gloves inside. We did a pretty good job on that mission. The kids got crayons and notebook and plenty of candy.

At first they were pretty scared mostly due to the fact that at some time soldiers have probably kicked in their door in the middle of the night and arrested their Dad, Uncle or big brother for one reason or another. But once we came in and took off our helmets and glasses and got down on their level and passed out some candy, they started to smile like a kid that age should. These missions are good to do. Something to break up the violence and stress that comes with most other missions. Missions like this give you a bit of hope that maybe someday Iraq might actually make it on its own.

If you or someone you know would like to send school supplies to these kids you all are more than welcome too. School supplies that they need are: Spiral Notebooks, Pencils, Crayons, Chalk, Notebook Paper, and Erasers. E-mail me at gijake@hotmail.com and I will send you the address for us over here and we will make sure that the supplies get to the kids.

Top 5 from the Army

Okay the Army issues us soldiers tons of stuff. Most of the stuff we never use. It just sits in a duffle bag in a closet somewhere. But you have got to give those guys some credit where credit is due. They have issued us some alright stuff. This is really a cold-weather list because it’s pretty cold over here right now. When the summer rolls around then I will make another list. Now most of you don’t know exactly what all this stuff is so I will try to explain but these are my top five things the Army has issued to me.

5. The Gortex Jacket – It’s about the only thing the Army has issued that does a somewhat good job of keeping the water off you. The wet weather gear they issue is definitely number one on the worst piece of issued equipment. The gortex keeps the water off and is good for the cold but also breathes well so you don’t over heat in it.

4. The Gaiter Neck- All it is really is some elastic/cotton blend that tops kinda like a tube top but really small and you wear it over your neck and ears and face. You wear it about a hundred different ways and its great for keeping the cold air off you ears and face. It also works great at keeping the dust and dirt off you too.

3. The Advanced Combat Helmet – First let me tell you about the old Kevlar helmet. It was the most awful, poorly devised creation ever. Seriously, it was the most miserable most uncomfortable thing to wear. This new one is lighter and has an adjustable pad system inside to cushion it around your head unlike the other one that just had a band that squeezed your skull all day.

2. Individual Body Armor – This stuff has saved countless lives over here. I cant believe that my Grandfather use to storm the beaches in the pacific without it. As heavy and uncomfortable as it may be at times it may end up saving my life some day. The have also added side plates and other additional protective pieces for it as well. They have got a little too carried away for me with some of this stuff. I stick to the ballistic plates, the neck and throat pieces and the “groin” protector. A shot there would make you very combat ineffective if you know what I mean.

1. The 3 part sleeping bag- You have your heavy winter bag, a lighter summer bag and then a gortex liner to protect you from the elements. The bet part is you can hook them all together to build a super sleeping bag that will keep you warm on the coldest of nights. Its also ridiculously comfortable, and it if could get away with sleeping in it back home I just might do it. Holly says it doesn’t match the sheets so I can’t.

This song quote will come from classic Willie Nelson.
“Don’t Take Your Guns To Town”

“He laughed and kissed his mom and said;
Your Billy Joes’ a man;
I can shoot as quick and straight as anybody can;
But I wouldn’t shoot without a cause;
I wouldn’t gun nobody down...”

Welcome to 2007!

Oh what a new year it was. Whew, the parties over here were just wild. I mean, this place is happening; I am surprised GQ hasn’t written about it before. (Side note- I love the magazine GQ and I recommend it to every male out there.) Okay, so of course that was all a total lie. Absolutely nothing went on over here. I actually sat here alone, watching cartoons in my CHU (Container Housing Unit) and happened to check my watch to realize, “Oh hey, its 7 minutes past Midnight, Happy New Year!” Yeah that’s how my night went, it was pretty wild.
So just like every New Years, you always have to have a resolution. You know some sort of big goal for the year ahead. I have no idea what mine was last year, but I hope I pulled it off, whatever it was. This year I have a few resolutions to try to master. First is to submit my Warrant Officer Flight Packet. See, before I left to come over here I was submitting my flight packet and I was 97% done when I went to go get my vision checked. Well it turns out the kid that has had 20/20 vision his whole life and never needed glasses doesn’t have good enough vision in his left eye when its dilated. Yeah, talk about a shot to the heart. I seriously cried I think. I had taken the test and dominated them, but no, I got stopped by an eyeball. Stupid eyeball. So that is hurdle number uno. Get PRK (Lasik) done to my eye when I get back and submit my packet.
Resolution number two is the same as everyone’s default resolution. It is simply to stay alive for the next year. Everyone plans on staying alive till next year, but this year I plan on putting a little more emphasis on making sure that happens. It’s not really like the states where life isn’t taken from you quite so easily. Every time we roll out over there is always that chance. So there are all the big plans for 07’; stay alive and become a pilot. Kinda lofty goals I have set for myself. But like it says in the “About Me” there on the right side of your screen, I am the greatest. So this should all come easily.
Don’t get me wrong I do have more planned for 2007. On top of staying alive, I plan on getting married to Holly in November( Side note- It will be the greatest wedding ever so pray you are invited.), in July we plan on going on a cruise somewhere fantastic and I plan on buying a huge TV when I get back. See I’m not all career obsessed. I care about other things too; like my Holly, vacations and big material objects! So here’s to our resolutions and here’s to the New Year!

The song quote comes from the Counting Crows.

It’s called, “Long December”.

I know its January, but the song still works.

“A long December and there’s reason to believe;
Maybe this year will be better than the last.
I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving;
Oh the days go by so fast…”