If I drank...

Okay, you know its been a slow day over in Iraq when I start posting random messages from friends on MySpace.com but once I read this I felt it was my duty as a citizen of the great state of Oklahoma and a friend to many alcoholic beverage consumers to post this for your reading and drinking pleasure.

Now for some of you out there that don’t know the great Meteorologist Gary England then this will not make any sense to you and for that I am terribly sorry. But for those of you out there that are lucky enough to live in "Tornado Alley" and get to listen to grown men freak out on live television about the size of clouds or the number of mobile homes being hurled through the air then this is especially for you. Pass it along to your friends; prepare for bad weather, get a 30 pack of “Stones” and Happy Drinking.

"The Gary England Drinking Game"

"We'll keep you advised"

Game Setup:
A few friends that enjoy drinking in large amounts.
A TV tuned to News 9 home of Gary England
An ample supply of 12oz Adult Beverages of choice.
And always a designated driver. Safety first kids!

How to Play:
It’s quite simple, follow the prescribed rules below and pay close attention to the television. Any time that a certain objective is met drink the pre assigned amount. Continue until the weather clears, you run out of drinks or you must flee for safety.

WARNING:
It is not advised to continue playing the game if you are in immediate or direct danger of the ensuing storms. It is also not advised to drink until you pass out rendering you unable to flee for safety.

Pregame:
1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Caster. Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground."

2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County. Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

One drink:
1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
"Hook echo" "Updraft" "Metro" "Doppler radar" "Wall cloud" "Ranger 9" "Underground" "Mobile home"

2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.

3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. Take one drink if Gary says "You're not missing any of [program name]." Take one drink when Gary says "We'll keep you advised."


Two drinks:
1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
"Baseball-sized hail" "Waterloo Road" "Pottawatomie County" "Deer Creek High School"

2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus Burns Flat Dill City Gotebo Hydro Lookeba Meeker Mulhall Oktaha Olustee Shattuck Slaughterville Tryon Vici Waukomis Wayne (or Payne) Weleetka Wetumkah

3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Caster.


Three drinks:
1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Caster.


2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.

3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
"Immediate tornado precautions" "National Weather Service" "Mesocyclone" "Portable Radio" "Take shelter" "Tornado warning in effect until …"

Four drinks:
1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel.

2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" "Do you see power flashes?"

3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.

Finish your drink:
1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the nearest cross streets to you.

2. If Gary says "We've lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.

Super Mario Brothers

It rained the past few days and one thing the desert doesn’t really handle is its rain. Up here towards the north it’s really not so much sand, like a desert, its more dirt, like a barren unwanted wasteland. So when the rainy season begins all the dust and dirt from the previous eleven month drought turns to a nasty muddy soup. Then you drive a few tanks and trucks around in that and churn it up into a thick mud like paste that sticks to everything and your boots track it everywhere. But I guess we might as well enjoy the rain while it is here. Lord knows we will be wishing for it come July.

In other news we are back from another fun-packed trip to the patrol base. As most of you know our patrol base rotation are suppose to be 48 hours but for some reason my platoon ends up out there for longer nearly every time. Its really not a big deal being there for a few more hours in the big picture of things, but at the end of the rotation you are hungry, dirty and tired you just really want to get replaced so you can “combat suit up!” one more time and head back to the FOB; where hot showers, rooms and chow await. Not to mention, phones and the beloved internet. It was pretty low key trip all in all, no IED’s or anything crazy. Well, I take that back. When the IA, (Iraqi Army, we work very closely with them out here. It is after all their country and it will soon be their job to run this little puppet show.) were coming back from dropping off one of their soldiers they noticed one of the local IED Terror Cell leaders and his brother (“The Super Mario Brothers” is what we will call them) driving a truck the other direction. So the IA swing around and after a little resistance the “Mario Brothers” became property if the Iraqi justice system. They also just so happened to find the RPG-7 that the brothers where carrying with them. So just like that, two more bad guys off the streets. After running the names of the “Mario Brothers” they turned up to be suspects in a lot of bad business in the area. They are involved in everything from kidnappings, murders, weapon sales, to IED production, placement and detonation. The two of them apparently have a hand in everything that goes on in this area and more than likely had something to do with me getting blown up a few weeks ago.

It’s crazy that “Mario”, the oldest, was only like 22 years old and his little brother “Luigi” was only 17, and they are pretty important amigos in this show. So I am happy to see that they will be going to some dirty prison somewhere to rot for quite some time. Enjoy the vacation you two…

That pretty much wraps up everything that has been going on the past few days. The mud, the patrol base, the “Super Mario Brothers”; yeah, that’s really about all I can think of. Hope you all have fun with the ice back home in Oklahoma and Texas and where ever else you maybe, stay safe, and I will write again soon.