North Bound on Tampa

Route Tampa is a four lane highway that runs from way south of Baghdad to somewhere way north of Baghdad. It’s kinda like the I-35 (For those of you that know what Interstate 35 is.) of Iraq. There is no paved shoulder just a smooth gravel area about the width of a traffic lane on both sides. The median is also unpaved and covered in gravel as well, with some random shrubberies thrown in there to liven the place up. Tampa truly is “The Highway to Hell”, it accounts for more IED’s that any other route in all of Iraq and the hottest stretch of highway just so happens to be in my area of operations.

Yesterday afternoon my platoon was relived out at the patrol base by our 1st platoon. We had just done our 48 hours there and now it was their turn. They had just came down Tampa in the south bound lane and notified us of a suspicious bag on the side of the north bound lane. They said they checked it with binoculars and the sights from the main gun on the tank but determined that it was just a trash bag and called it “clear”, but to take caution. Hours later I find this out.

For the time being I am the truck commander (TC) of my truck. The name of the truck is eloquently, “The Slutty Pumpkin”, it’s a long story and you have to watch the show “How I met Your Mother” on CBS to really understand. Usually I am the gunner, but my actual TC is on leave so I have taken over. For the past month while I have been a TC I have been the TC of the rear truck in the convoy. But today on the way back north, back to the FOB, I was lead truck. The lead trucks job is pretty “simple”. It’s to stop all traffic coming in the opposite lane, to push traffic back away from roadways feeding to the highway, look for any sort of possible attack on the convoy, dodge potholes and previous blast holes in the road that can hide landmines waiting to be driven over, and most of all search for IED’s. Most IED’s are placed along the side of the road and remote detonated. There are some that have a invisible Infa-Red beam that shoots across the road and when you cross it the IED detonates. Some have a command wire that runs back to where the “trigger man” is hiding, then some have tiny copper wires that are laid across the road and when you run them over they connect and detonate the IED. It may not sound like much but when you also got your lieutenant in the next vehicle back calling up the most obvious things on the radio non-stop the whole way, (“Be advised the sky is blue” kinda stuff…) and yapping all sorts of other useless’ crap out to you it take some concentration and patience to get from point A to point B.

So there we are headed north, creeping along at a blistering 20 mph due to the fact that we are having to tow a tank back that broke down the night prior while we were conducting some raids in the area. The shoulders of the roadways are littered with all sorts of junk, tire shreds metal scraps, trash bags and everything else that can blow out the back up a truck. No, they don’t have the “Adopt A Highway” program over here, yet. I notice a plastic bag laying inches of the road which is a little odd for it to be so close to the edge but it’s blowing the in wind and appears to have nothing in it. Right as we are directly next to it fate just so happened to blow some wind directly in the bag blowing it open and letting me look directly in it. “OH SHIT IED! IED! IED! GO! GO! GO!” I screamed to my crew. My gunner hits the grounds screaming “OH SHIT". Thats all could manage to say, thanks for that update there pal! I grab the “hand mic” to the radio and call over the net “IED IED, STOP! STOP! STOP!”.

The whole time in my head I am thinking; “Oh my God this is going to blow up right here on me. I am only like 4 feet from this thing; this is going to really suck.” My driver has since stomped on the gas a pushed up out of the way, all the other vehicles were able to stop just before getting to it. We got lucky they didn’t get the chance to detonate it on us. There is no doubt that they would have blown up one of the trucks. But the bag just happened to be blown open so I could see it looking right back at me. Kinda like looking down a loaded gun during a bank robbery. It was crazy to see a bomb just sitting there. Back in January when I get blown up I never saw it coming, nor did any one on the crew that day. This one was a 155mm artillery round with a long range cordless phone base wired to it and some red duct tape holding it all together. I probably could have read the serial number off the round I was so close. As usual Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) came out and used their high-speed little robot and some C4 explosives to “dispose” of it. Once again making the roads safe for Americans and Iraqis alike.

We got lucky again, for the month of February we have found two IED’s and have yet to be hit and that alone is extraordinary. If the platoon gets hit by 2 IED’s a month it’s considered a good month. So far for the month we have yet to get hit. But the month isn’t quite over yet. Just add that to the list of crazy moments here in Americas fifty first state, Iraq.

And now for your viewing pleasure, a little video my gunner filmed that day. Enjoy.

Poor Britney

Dear Ms. Spears,

I am sure it is very tough being rich, famous and the mother of two. Your loser husband left you, and yes it was all your fault. I am sure you do have some amount of stress in your life. But did you need to shave your head?

For crying out loud, someone tried to kill me today, and by friend got both his legs blown off down in Balad. Talk about a great day huh? Did I go nuts and shave my head? No, probably because I am not pathetic.

Take a lesson from the countless men and women that have came over here, gone through hell and came home just fine. Soldier up; and shut your mouth, nobody cares anymore.

There are 17 year old kids over here fighting and dying. Do something productive with your time and money and give them and hand. Roger?

Thanks,
Everyone in the world.

What We Really Like

So a few weeks ago I posted a classic picture of myself reading an issue of Cosmopolitan on Facebook.com, with a caption that read “Send magazines please…” Yes, that’s right, I was reading a chick magazine. And yes, the image of a rugged soldier, wrapped in body armor and ammo pouches sitting in the gun turret of his armored gun truck while reading new yoga tips and how to get ready for swim suit season all with a big smile is exactly what the photo looked like. It was a sad state of affairs, but as they say; “War is Hell”

[You can also just skip the effort of using your brain and just check it out down below.]

Anyways, we got all these “feminine” magazines from a doctor’s office in Charlotte, NC or somewhere. And we sincerely thank them for the time and effort and we appreciate their support of us men in uniform over here. But hidden there is the problem. We are men and we really don’t want to read, Cosmo, Redbook, or Women’s Fitness. We do like the pictures and tips on how to keep our Christmas cookies tasting great, but what we really want to read about are cars we cant never afford, electronics we will never own, stupid people and sultry women with very little clothing.

But there are real men out there that answered the call and sent help to further solidify our manhood. In the past few weeks we have got the latest issues of Maxim and Stuff, and we even got the last issue of FHM ever! (Rest in peace good magazine, you were a dear friend.) Then came the real “good” stuff; a little magazine from a solid American by the name of, Larry Flint. That’s right America, you sent us Penthouse. In a country where porn is banned by the local government and the foreign Army that occupies them. Your counter-pornography tactics prevailed me and my fellow fighting soldiers can once again remember what we are fighting for.

Thank you America.

Before:

After:

(Sweet glasses huh?)

The Impossible Passport

So those quality people in congress have once again done us all such a great service with this new law requiring a passport for those who plan of visiting Canada and our fence jumping brothers to the south, Mexico. It may be a big victory that will somehow help crack down on terrorism, but you only need a passport if you are flying into the states. Drivers and guest aboard cruise ships are still good to head out with out one, but they are encouraged to get one.

You may be wondering why I am even talking about this and what does it have to do with me. Well, while am over here fighting for the good ole “Mother Land” they are passing laws that are screwing up my dreams of white sand beaches and drinks with little umbrellas. From what I have learned is that all us travelers flying to Mexico need a passport, which really is no big deal. No big deal if you are in America. But last I checked I am not; I am in freaking Iraq! Therefore making the passport process much more difficult.

Now I have to first get permission to even attempt this little trip, second schedule a trip on a Blackhawk into Baghdad to visit the embassy. Normally I wouldn’t even attempt such a trip, Baghdad is crazy and helicopters are not doing a good job of staying in the air. I know I would be fine and am not worried about the adventure down there if it even gets approved. But it does skim through your thought process.

If this was all just regular R&R I really wouldn’t be to upset, there are a million places in America that I would love to travel too. But Holly and I are getting married soon and we were going to use this abundance of time and cash to take a nice trip somewhere really fun. Its going to be our honeymoon, just beofr the wedding thats all. We have thought about maybe going to Italy to see Val and the sights out there; or Cozumel for the beaches, relaxation and “all-inclusiveness”. Then there are a few other exotic Caribbean hot spots that we have looked in to. I mean this will be our honeymoon and we don’t want to stay and the Best Western in Amarillo. I have been over here for to damn long too not go big while on leave. We have earned this trip so we are going to take this trip!

So now here I am between a rock and a hard place. I got people researching this new little law; hopefully there is a loophole for soldiers. If not, hopefully I can get down to Baghdad and get that passport and get it to the states before my leave starts. I guess these next few weeks will tell the tale. Hopefully it’s not to late though.

Let keep those fingers crossed and I think it’s time I start working on “Plan B”

Fuel + Ammo + Boredom = Fun

Okay think back to one point in your life when you almost were seriously injured or died. Like, you had to slam on your brakes to avoid a car crash and just barely missed it by like an inch. What was the first thing you did once you realized you were okay? Well, okay so some of you may have cried or started thanking God, but did any of you laugh? Cause that’s what I do. I stop, replay what just happened, start laughing and shake my head thinking “wow that could have really sucked…” See, me and some of my buddies over here were talking about how after all the IED’s and other really stupid crazy things we have done the first thing we do is start laughing and saying “Oh man did you see that!”, “Dude! That was crazy!” But for some reason none of us are ever like; “Oh man, that was so dangerous, we need to stop doing this”. “We need to stop pouring fuel on this fire, someone will get hurt”; or “no, don’t shoot that with a grenade launcher, we are way to close”. Instead we all yell, “Yeah pour more fuel on there”, and “Hell yea! Shoot it again!”

What happened to us? Where did our sense of fear go? I mean we aren’t doing anything drastically stupid but still, why do we laugh after every near death experience? Is it really that funny? Or is it that we are all just so numb to the fact that they are trying to kill us that there is really no other emotion to use at a time like that. Then there is the fact that we get so bored over here and have a near endless supply of ammo and fuel and our mothers are thousands of miles away and can’t tell us to not do these things. So we do it; and it’s pretty cool.

Then one night when you find a canoe that’s being used to shuttle IED materials across the river, what do you do? You fill it full of flammable things soak it in fuel, light it on fire and push it into the river. Then everyone gets on line and opens fire on it with everything you have. At the same time in the back of your head you are thinking, my mom would be so pissed if she knew what I was doing over here…

Love ya mom.

Nothing Fancy

The last few days have been rather “slow”. But slow is not always a bad thing. Slow is also safe and being alive is pretty cool so I think I will keep doing it. The only real big earth shattering news is the fact that we finally got internet run to our CHU’s. So I can finally sit here in the comfort of my room and talk online to everyone, and surf the endless “World Wide Web”. It’s fantastic; I wasted nearly a whole year in Korea online so I plan on doing the same here. You won’t believe the things for sell on EBay…

About a week ago I went on my first “air assault” mission. We took two Chinooks (The big double rotor helicopters) into a small village near the Tigris that was reportedly building IED’s and where hiding a large cache up there. But, it actuality they had nothing. It was fun running on and off the helicopter like we were storming the beaches of Normandy but other than that we walked around kicking rocks looking for clues. The only shots fired were at a stray dog that was trying to fight Eddie, the bomb sniffing dog. The dog handlers 9mm won that fight. As a Tanker, I never expected to be doing these type of missions so its fun to switch it up from time to time. I actually do very little “Tanking” we spend a lot of time in gun trucks and on the ground; which last I checked was the Infantry’s job. But anyways we get the job done with minimal complaining, even though we would much rather be in our tanks where IED’s a joke and we can destroy a car traveling 50 mph over two miles away. Which beats the trucks where I have a range of less than a quarter mile, and it takes a few well placed shots to stop a car. With the tank, it just takes one squeeze of the triggers to turn a car inside out in a fraction of a second.

Enough violence, I got a few packages the other day from some fantastic people and I am afraid that now that I have all these cookies and candy and the internet right here, I will soon gain a few dozen pounds. Well, maybe until summer comes along and then I think I will sweat back down to skin and bones. That’s all I really got though. Hope you all are doing well. I’ll try to write again soon.

Me and my "AG" pulling security behind some "serious" cover...

Back to School

In our area there are something like 70 schools, all probably in desperate need of repair some much worse than others. But we are only here for a year and we can only tackle so many projects at once. We do what we can, and that’s still better than nothing at all. So we picked a few schools to start on. We got one school that would be kinda like a Kindergarten through Fourth grade that has about 200 kids; which is considered a pretty big school around here. Then we got what would be a fifth through eighth grade girl’s school and next door to it is the boy’s school. Yes, schools are divided like that all the way through high school. And I hated school with girls, I can’t imagine how bad it would have been without, on the other hand I might have paid a little more attention to the teacher and not the nice set of legs across the classroom…

Anyways, if you can recall those monumental elections Iraq had a few years ago, you may remember all the violence that came with them. In the area that we control the schools were used as voting centers much like they are in America. Well, that morning as voters and teachers and children alike started to arrive for the day they were met with the unforgiving blast of IED’s. All the schools that were going to be used as voting center had IED’s detonated at the front doors of them that morning blowing down the front doors, throwing shrapnel throughout the school, blowing out windows and reeking all sorts of havoc. But the Iraqis pressed on. The election was a success and the children were undeterred and continued to attend classes. But due to the minimal progress of the Iraqi government none of these schools ever really received any money for repairs. Most turned to the teachers and head masters (principles) and the US Army to pay for the cost of repairs.

This is where we find ourselves today, with a laundry list of repairs for an even longer list of schools. Now this may seem like it’s really not that big of an issue. You may think that we need to be out finding the terrorist that do all the damage around here since we are a combat unit. But looking at the big picture of it, these kids we help today are the kids that will one day help Iraq get out of this hole and keep my children or even yours from having to one day back over here and fight this ugly fight once again. And I do not want anyone to have to go through this. That’s why I am here, so you aren’t.

These schools really don’t need major repairs, the roof isn’t falling in and the kids aren’t in any real danger being in these buildings. The repairs mainly consist of new fluorescent lights and light bulbs, new light switches and wall plugs, new fans and glass in the windows, new doors and door knobs. It’s a whole lot of little things that add up to a lot of work. The worst is something that probably never crossed your mind, and it will make your stomach turn once you hear just what it is.

But first you need a quick geography lesson. Where I am is kinda like the “Mason Dixon” line of Iraq. This blurred line separates the Sunni and Shiites. The town that we mainly deal with is Sunni, but the bigger city that they kinda fall under is Shiite. This is why they didn’t get money for the schools, why the IA up here doesn’t get chow, bullets or soldiers like they should and why they shut off the main water lines that came up here. We also think that is was them that blew up the “High-Rise” power line right in front of our patrol base the other night. Leaving the already messed up power supply even more diminished.

Okay back to the schools. You may have notice that little line up there about the water being turned off. Well, that left this area with out any clean running water. The only “running” water is unfiltered from the river and canals. You couldn’t pay me a hundred dollars on the hottest day of the year to drink that water. These schools however have no running water, which is where this story gets nasty. The biggest problems these schools have are the fact that the bathrooms have no running water. No way for the kids to flush or wash their hands and its been like that for years. As we went through the schools “Doc” and I walked back to the bathroom and as we got near the stench was nearly unbearable. Once we opened the day what we saw was even worse. Iraqis don’t have the traditional “bowl” like we are accustomed to. They have this smaller modified bowl built in to the ground that you “squat” over. So, once the “bowl” filled up the kids moved on around that area and so on and so on. And you can’t just tell a kid they can’t go use the restroom. When they got to go they got to go. Now that things have became so bad it becomes a huge health issue. Just sending a kid is there is wrong, but they have little choice. I don’t even want to think about how bad it will be once it starts to warm up and the flies come back along with all sorts of bacteria and disease.

So here we are now. Stuck with a pretty serious situation we didn’t see coming, just like so many other things over here. We walked in wanting to make some simple repairs but saw things that we now just can’t walk away from. Somehow we have to get running water to them, despite the politics of the Iraqi people and our own Army. I have eight months left over here, I would be amazed to see it fixed before I leave.

But before I go, if anyone out there would like to send school supplies they would love to have them. Despite the lack of running water, class still goes on. Mostly they need the basic supplies that a 3rd grader would need. It’s been a while since I was in the 3rd grade.

They need:
Pencils
Notebooks
Crayons
Chalk
Paper
Erasers
World Maps
Folders
And most importantly in the kids eyes, Soccer Balls (“mista, mista gimme football!”)


[I have sent Holly the pictures and she will post them soon for you all…]